Ok, so im two months and two days into my Canadian stay. To be fair, I could have come home after the first week, I just wasn’t feeling it, and I fancied the carling cup final. Well, that was the main reason anyway.
I feel that I make an effort to watch Liverpool, and I know that I wouldn’t have got a ticket for the match. That’s the pitfalls of the loyalty system, but I just guess that when I get back, I’ll be stumping up the thirty nicker per season to build my loyalty. It sometimes feels like an absolute piss take.
Toronto is your typical scratch the surface and you’ll find nothing city. Like Melbourne, the longer you stay the more you discover, staying only a few days will just make you think its shite. I’m currently still living in a hostel. Its dead small which is the good part and in the main there is a core of people who have been here for a while, but ideally I need my own pad soon. Applying for jobs was ok, I just smashed the applications. I really wanted one job up the C.N Tower, to be an ‘Edge Walk’ guide. Youtube it, it would have been an awesome job. I managed to get an interview. For the interview I was supposed to do a ‘One Minute audition’ on anything that I wanted. Literally anything I wanted, you just couldn’t use props or costumes. So my original plan was to go and sing ‘Poor Scouser Tommy’ in its entirety. But waking up with a killer hangover that only a hot dog from 7 Eleven could cure I nearly sacked it off and kip in. but I managed to get out of bed and, well, I had a little think on me way. I decided against the song. So , there where 10 people in the interview (plus 3 interviewers), one by one we where called into another room to do a quick role play, which I smashed before we all sat down to do the audition. I was last to go. One bird told us how she was a former fatty, she had a proper national grid on her so nobody was looking at her new slim body. Another guy read off some cards. It’s a minute, surly you can memorise your pitch for a minute audition. Anyway my turn came, and I decided to tell the story of why people from Hartlepool are called ‘Monkey Hangers’. I had the group in the palm of my hands, textbook last audition smash and grab. After we all had ‘performed’ we each got called in x factor style to be told of we would progress, I knew I had, so it didn’t come as a shock when they told me I was to come back for an interview later on that afternoon.
So I titty fucked the interview in Kenny Powers style.
So I was through to the next stage. An 800 psyvhological exam. And the next stage, a two hour interview with a psychologist, and the next stage, a two hour cognitive exam. All on different days. And I didn’t get the fucker. I didn’t get it. They don’t tell you where you failed, but I know it was the cognitive test, it was one absolute mind fuck, compare that though to the shrink who was asking me to ‘list 3 things I don’t like about my mother, and the same for my father’ The John Needhams of the world would win a medal on one of them questions, but I couldn’t answer. So I was pissed off, but hey, I’ve got another job so all is good. Currently working for a company called Global Payments, I do technical support of payment terminals dealing directly with merchants. Its ok.
The lash has been decent, had an argument with a DJ the other week. I was at some psychedelic trance night. So I goes up to ye man and asks him if he could play a song from the album ‘Legend of the Black Shawarma’, by Infected Mushroom. He didn’t look too keen and said to me that he doesn’t think he had it. I reminded him that we’re at a ‘Psychedelic Trance’ night, how many artists knock out that shite?? He told me that said album was one of the worst psyc trance ever recorded. I replied telling him that his musical opinion was invalid and testament to that was the fact that there was only 20 people in the gaff, so play something that at least one person in the gaff wanted to hear other than himself. He didn’t play it, I did well not to get launched actually.
